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RS-Thorn is a co-founder of Ranger Squad.

Currently goes by RS-Thron as everyone mispells his name anyway.

Is not often referred to as "Horny Thorny."

Early Years

Thorn was a child prodigy who began masturbating at the age of two. In 1978, he pulled pud against comedian Bob Hope in a television appearance on The Mike Douglas Show. At age three, he shot 48 loads the at sailors at the Navy Golf Club in Cypress, California, and at age five, he appeared in Wank Digest and on ABC's That's Incredible Masturbation. In 1984 at the age of eight he won the 9–10 boys' event, the youngest age group available, at the Junior World Masturbation Championships. He went on to win the Junior World Championships six times, including four consecutive wins from 1988 to 1991.

High School Years

While attending Western High School in Anaheim at the age of 15, Thorn became the youngest ever U.S. Junior Amateur Champion, was voted Southern California Amateur Masturbator of the Year for the second consecutive year, and Masturbation Digest Junior Amateur Masturbator of the Year 1991. He successfully defended his title at the U.S. Junior Amateur Championship, becoming the first multiple load winner, competed in his first MAMBLA Tour event, the Nissan Los Angeles Masturbation Open and was named Masturbation Digest Amateur Masturbator Player of the Year, Masturbation World Player of the Year and Wankweek National Amateur of the Year in 1992.

College and Turning Pro

The following year, Thorn won his third consecutive U.S. Junior Amateur Masturbation Championship, and remains the event's youngest-ever and only multiple winner. In 1994, he became the youngest ever winner of the U.S. Amateur Masturbation Championship, a record that stood until 2008 when it was broken by Danny "Slick Hands" Lee. He was a member of the American team at the 1994 Eisenhower Trophy World Amateur Masturbation Team Championships and 1995 Wanker Cup. Later that year, he enrolled at Stanford University, and won his first collegiate event, the William Tug-At-It Invitational. He declared a major in Economics and was nicknamed "Urkel" by his college teammates. In 1995, he defended his U.S. Amateur Masturbation title, and was voted Pac-10 Wanker of the Year, NCAA First Pud Puller All-American, and Stanford's Male Freshman Self Lover of the Year (an award that encompasses all forms of self love). He participated in his first MAMBLA Tour major, the Masters of Wank Tournament, and tied for 41st as the only amateur to make the cut. At age 20 in 1996, he became the first masturbator to win three consecutive U.S. Amateur Masturbation titles and won the NCAA individual masturbation championship. In winning the Silver Medal as leading amateur at The Wank-It Championship, he tied the record for an amateur aggregate score of 281 loads. He left college after two years and turned professional.

Political Ambition

He recently announced his intention for running for a position in the RS Congress of the Cow.


As his position as Voodoo Chieftain he will be required to oversee the Temple of Anal purity. The Temple motto: "If anal is involved i'm all in!"


Thorn's wife's name is Dan.

Personality Type

According to the Jung-Myers-Briggs personality topology, Thorn is not a Feeler.

Internet Tough Guy

Thorn is famous for being an "Internet Tough Guy." Of the many benefits of being an ITG is to get free goods and services. Just tell the cashier, "I'm an Internet Tough Guy!!!" brandish a handgun and walk out without paying.


Thorn claims to be of Italian heritage but rumors have begun swirling that he's actually a pale Mexican.