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shruew, short for shruewski, - co-founder of Ranger Squad. The 's' in shruew is always lower case. Noted for his ability to kill fish with his mind.

Real Name: shruewgelbert shruewmperdink

Mating Habits

When it is time for a shruew to mate, they let out the call, "pew pew pew!" Further research has proven this to be false. shruews reproduce asexually. Even further research has shown that shruew's don't reproduce.

Undeniably Sexy

shruew posed for a rare, mesmerizing, sexy photo shoot which can be seen at

Noted Inventions

Is a noted inventor having created Ultimate Secret Super Power and Atomic Super Lasers from the Future.

Get Rich Quick Schemes

Although some accuse his Noted Inventions are actually Get Rich Quick Schemes, shruew flatly denies.

However, his white paper "Sealing Your Fate - Your Guide to Getting Rich by Clubbing Seals" might certainly be.

Literay Genius Recognition

Widely recognized as a literary genius with such characters as Captain Hamington, Takeda Manamoto and of course, the epic tribute to ham - 101 Haikus About Ham.

Hatred of Belize

shruew shocked the political community during a recent campaign speech where he discussed his intent to rule the entire world in peace, but with the exception of "Belize, those fuckers are on their own!"

shruew's campaign advisers have been unavailable for comment. The government of Belize however, declared Oct 15th a new yearly national day of mourning called - Shunned by shruew Day. Or, in the native parlance, "Evitado por el dia de shruew." Some might claim this unlikely since the official language of Belize is actually English. This is incorrect, Belize was so distraught they suffered mass hysteria and forgot how to speak English and became a Spanish speaking country.

October Cursed Month

Every October after being shunned by shruew, Belize suffers terrible tragedies. In October 2010 Belize was hit by a hurricane which freed a man killing jaguar from the zoo.

shruew was unmoved.

Eternal Love

On Oct 17th, 2008, shruew informed the world that he was enternal love. Any feelings of love felt throughout the world is directly because of shruew's gift to the world. He is enternal love, he gives enternal love, you owe him your enternal love (he also accepts cash).

shruew cites this wiki entry as conclusive proof that he is indeed Eternal Love.

On October 5th, 2009, Thorn, using the powers granted to him by his position as Jewish Voodoo Chieftain within the RS Congress of the Cow, officially and permanently revoked shruew's rights to all things eternal love.

RS archeologists rediscovered shruew's first mention of eternal love. It was posted in response to a less than satisfactory ebay sale. Quoted: " Lame as hell. At any given time there are people trying to sell souls, mystery boxes, their eternal love, etc on ebay. Just throw up a box and hope someone is drunk enough to bid $100 on it." - shruew, May 1, 2007.
The forum post can be found here

Re-inspired by Ranger Squad's dramatic victory in TCC League Season 2, shruew once again took over the mantle of Eternal Love on Nov. 16, 2009.

Clown Transportation Needs

Requires a vehicle that can transport more than 14 standard metric clowns.




The pressures of day in and day out founding have left shruew a feeble, mentally broken rodent and he will be remanded to the Ranger Squad Sanitarium and Salmon Cannery until further notice.

shruew's horse

He enjoys taking strolls on his amazing horse. Do not ask him where the lemonade is made. Do not make him ask twice to get on his horse.

Seen here in the act.

Creative Design

Pioneer of Laser Sword based advertising.

Dislike of strip clubs

shruew is very public about his dislike of strip clubs, quoted saying, "I just don't like people rubbing all over me - even if they have exposed breasticles." This is the polar opposite of Romaniac.


Hates treachery... Especially Kung-Fu treachery!

Perhaps Not a shruew?

According to some insider sources, shruew may actually be a polar bear with fascist ideals.


Doesn't game with a mouse. Uses a very old track ball and a still very timely We Love the Iraqi Information Minister mouse pad.


Update: Actually uses a mouse now.

Cutting the Cord

While cutting the cord seems like a modern trend it should be noted that shruew cut his cord shortly after birth and has been cordless ever since.