Ferret and Lost Cow

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Ferret and Lost Cow is an advanced, highly physically demanding sex act. It is perhaps the most advanced sex act known to human beings, certain primates and, though not verified, certain sexual perverse dolphins.


This advanced sex act is thought to have originated from the traditional Norse human sacrifices on the Isle of Man in the 9th century. The sacrificial ritual was a fertility right that symbolized the traditional letting loose of ferrets to capture feral cows.

King Magnus III is thought to be the first to change the sacrificial right into a sex act enacting the Right of First Bovine in which he copulated with the first born calf in his kingdom each season.

Over the years, mainly by the perversion of Scottish immigrants to the Isle of Man, the Lost Cow became the dominate sexual predator and the ferret the receptive mustela putorius furo.

Medical Warnings

There are six stages to Ferret and Lost Cow. Each stage is geometrically more demanding than the previous stage. It is advised that only the most physically fit attempt even the first stage and only world class athletes should consider going to stage six.

Never attempt Ferret and Lost Cow twice in one day.

Hedonistic sculptor Bryan Kneale is the only known man to survive Ferret and Lost Cow twice in a 28 hour period and his mate was a particularly physically fit baboon. He was later arrested for practicing unsafe sex with a baboon. A crime for which he was punished under the maximum penalty under Manx law.